Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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