My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
