Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
