she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
