she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
