After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
