I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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