What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
