I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
