If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
