she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
