So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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