Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
