you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
