he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
