I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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