The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
