Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I need moral support for this bender
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
