No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
