Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize