I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
