I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
