butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
wanna go halves on a baby?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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