i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Drunk is not a location!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
