so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
