Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i think my cat just said my name.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
