so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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