I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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