There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
