Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
