Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
