she looked like the bat from fern gully.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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