have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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