I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
