end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
