i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Drunk is not a location!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
