those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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