oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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