Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
