The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
