The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
