It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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