i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
