So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
