i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
