# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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