bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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