im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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