He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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