Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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