dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
