I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
