3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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