my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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