AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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