Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize