I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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