I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
do nipples grow back?
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