Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
