So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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