By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
